The Phantom of the Kindergarten?
by BlackTippedRose
Summary: Have you out there ever wondered how the cast of PotO acted when they were little? Then click here and laugh! Flames allowed, reviews appreciated. And I FINALLY completed it!
1. Homeroom

**Disclaimer: **Ever wondered what the PotO characters were like when they were in Kindergarden? Me too!

PS: I didn't know Madame Giry's name, so I named her Maria.

**0o0o0o0o0o**

"Give me your attention class!" called the overly peppy and smiley Kindergarden teacher. Her total of _six _students turned around.

"Shut up you old fat lard!" shrieked the one with a potato sack over his head. The teacher frowned.

"Now now Erik, be a good boy."

"Wot in hell!"

"Ewik!" pouted another child with a very long burned-black stick and brown hair. "Don't be a meanie-head!"

"You'w not da boss of me!!" he defended.

"Maria! Erik! Cut it out, both of you!" Mrs. Watkins watched the two children bicker for a while until Maria knocked out her basic male counter-part with her stick.

The other four students cheered.

Mr. Watkins just stared for a moment before pulling out her roll book. "I'm going to introduce you guys! Okay?"

Erik magically came back to life and nodded with the other five 6-year-olds.

She read her book. "Christine?"

A little girl waved her hand in the air, making her miniature brown curls bounce. "Heya!"

"SHE'S HOT!" yelled Mr. Potato-sack, which made everyone in the room concerned.

"Do you wike moosic?" Erik continued to speak. Mini Christine nodded.

"I got dibs!"

A small boy with brown hair and girl's eyes frowned. "Nu-uh! She's gonna be my wifey!"

"KISS MY A-"

"Erik!" Mrs. Watkins was beginning to wonder why she even took this job. Then she remembered those three girls who had egged her when she tried being a student teacher for Social Studies.

"Is Megan here?" The fat teacher asked tiredly, and the little blonde girl sitting next to Christine stuck her hand in the air.

"It's Meg, and I'm pwesent!"

The people around the world reading this story began to wonder how both Madame Giry and Meg could both be in kindergarden…and the same age.

"Raoul?"

"THAT'S A FOP NAME!" screeched our annoying little Phantom-to-be.

"Yea, but it's also the name of the guy who's gonna mawwy the chick you think's hawt."

Before Erik could kill Raoul with his jump-rope punjab, Mrs. Watkins continued called roll. There was really only one left.

"Carlotta?"

The small and slightly plump-ish child tossed her inhumanly red hair. "Imma heya."

"Now kids. What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Erik immediately leapt onto the teacher's desk and flapped his 'cape', which happened to be made out of his black security blanket. "I'm gonna be phantom of the operwa, and have that fine lady over there are my steady!"

He of course pointed to Christine.

Raoul tried to leap onto the desk, but missed and hit it point-blank. So then he began crawling like a little monkey until he got to the top. Then he pushed Erik off.

"I'm gonna be a vi-vi-vi-something and mawwy Chwissie!"

"I'M GONNA BE PWEMMA DONNA AND KILL ANY LITTLE BWUNETTE HOS WHO GET IN MY WAY!"

Everyone became quiet as Carlotta told everyone what she was going to be. Then Erik basically climbed up the desk again, did that pump-it hand-shake thing with Raoul, and then they both jumped off the desk and body-slammed Carlotta.

"I founded the twanquilizer!" Maria squealed, running around the room with the gun and shooting random thing, including the teacher, four picture books, and a penguin.

Erik, Raoul, and Carlotta continued to wrestle.

"Wanna pway patty-cake?" Meg asked quietly, and Christine nodded with a giggle. Then they played patty-cake.

It was going to be a long day.

**0o0o0o0o0**

A/N: Whenever someone writes something like this, you always need to ask one thing. How much sugar did you _eat?! _

Well, what do you guys think? Continue it? Delete it? Review and tell me!


	2. Science

**Disclaimer: **Apparently people want me to continue this Godforsaken story. Which I don't mind, because it's pretty fun.

If you can't read what they're saying, first just try to sound it out. Then remember all 'r' and 'l' will be turned to 'w'. That might help.

Okay, I'm not in kindergarden. Obviously. So basically I'm turning my classes into those of a kindergardener….oh boy.

If you read my other story, you'll notice I thank my reviewers. Which I will do in any story I write that isn't a one-shot.

**The Magic Pickle Fairy: **It would be fun to hug him….but I'd end up getting annoyed and throwing him against a wall. xD

**Kloolk: **Alright Kloolky, I won't kill the story because you said not too. And sense I don't know how to pronounce your name, I just say it like kluke. Tehe!

**FemmeLoki: **I'm good at making her spew coffee. It's rather fun.

**Serey: **I'm continuing, I'm continuing!

Darn you, Mr. Potato-sack.

**Erin McCrate: **I made her day. So ha.

**Icelands: **-quivers lip- Bu-bu-bu-but, it's my socks! Not my socks! My toes will be cold!

**Staremerald: **She said yay. I feel completed.

**Veng: **Let Mrs. Watkins rot in hell or freeze in Russia. Whatever she wants.

**PhantomoftheBasket: **She laughed non-stop! And I love your story, Basket!

Now, how much sugar you ask? Well, let's just say if you cut me open then my blood would be white.

**Supergirrl: **She laughed because it was good and cried because I was quicker then her. Very nice. And you never know where Dominique could end up!

I'm still wondering how Meg and Madame Giry can be the same age.

**Korrigan Moon: **Oooooh, I should!

**Sonne Feuer: **I can also imagine Raoul getting blown to smithereens, but I won't do that. Yet.

Uh….welcome to science?

**0o0o0o0o0o0o**

Mrs. Watkins had regained consciousness about half an hour ago, and was sitting at her desk, drumming her fingers. There were eight cages in the room.

Erik was also wearing a straight-jacket, and his jump rope punjab had been confiscated. His cage was smaller then the others.

Why? Because when two new classmates, Andre and Firmin came in, without any reason at all, Erik began screaming bloody Texas-chainsaw-massacre murder and tried to basically kill them.

Andre and Firmin were in cages for their own safety.

Madame Giry had her tranquilizer taken from her and sent to the military.

Carlotta had a busted lip, but then again, Raoul had a black eye.

Mrs. Watkins actually didn't know why she put Christine and Meg in cages. Maybe she was just really annoyed.

The teacher thought maybe Erik gave little Andre a concussion, because without warning he said, "It was Ewik, with the candlestick, in the cwasswoom."

Erik let out a rather evil giggle.

"So," Mrs. Watkins spoke up suddenly. "Do any of you little abominations know anything about science?"

"It's were you put someting in a gwass tube and make it go boom."

The teacher sighed, rubbing her temples. "No, Erik, you little pyromaniac. It's the study of life."

"Oh, oh, I know about wife!" squealed Meg in her cage. In all defense, it was larger then the others.

"Science is wike bwocks. They build wife!"

"Wife?" Erik jerked up suddenly. "I'm gonna have her as my wife!"

He tried to point at Christine, but he was in a straightjacket. So he just kept jerking his head in her general direction.

"She meant life, right?" asked Mrs. Watkins.

Meg nodded.

"Well, actually, that's cells, but very close! So, in order to represent science, I'm going to let you build things with blocks!"

Six students cheered, and Mrs. Watkins actually smiled. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

But then Firmin, who was sitting up in a cross-legged position suddenly giggled like a girl and fell over, screaming, "CHOCOWATE!! CCHHHOOOCCCOOOOWWAATTEEE!!!!"

Erik grinned like the evil demon phantom he will someday be.

Before the teacher could ask what Erik did to the soon-to-be-managers, the six students managed to break out of their cages and all crawled/stumbled/walked to the bag of blocks and began pulling them out and making things.

But then Carlotta began pelting Christine, shrieking how she'd never become 'Pweema Donna', and Erik basically lost it.

"DON'T HIT MY STEADY YOU WITTLE FWEAK!" he yelled, breaking his straight-jacket and the cage bars, then picking up the bag of blocks and beating the stupid red-head child.

"SHE'S MY STEADY!" defended Raoul, taking blocks from the flower he made and tossing them at Erik.

Meg just continued building her butterfly with Maria.

Firmin kept giggling about chocolate, and Andre's mental condition cannot be expressed in words.

Mrs. Watkins broke up the brawl and separated the four children. Erik continued hissing like a rabid cat, Carlotta was attempting to claw at a bleeding Raoul, and Christine was crying.

In a stupid attempt to comfort his future wife, Raoul hugged Christine. This had dire effects, of course.

"DUN TOUCH MEH WADY!"

Erik, who just screamed that, grabbed a Bunsen-burner and advanced on the fop-child like the crazed pyromaniac he was.

Maria sighed, and Meg looked concerned. "How can he see wit tat sack on his head?"

"Dun ask."

The future ballet instructor picked up her stick and walked over to Erik.

"Hey Ghosty?"

Erik turned around, and got a face-full of heavy stick. He fell backwards.

"Stwike two."

Erik was put back in his cage, and Christine was tended too. Out of that annoying compassion she harbors to anyway because she's a goodie-goodie, Meg put a few blocks in Erik's cage out of pity and her way-too niceness.

In approximately 23.04 seconds, Erik had built a life-sized Christine mannequin, which looked identical to the real thing.

With blocks.

Little, square/circular/triangular…blocks.

"Tat's creepy," Andre said, finally out of his mental state. Firmin continued to squeal about candy made from the opaque liquid erected from the udder of a cow.

Mrs. Watkins let out a sigh of relief as the bell rang, despite the fact it made all eight students scream and wither in pain.

No, wait, she was probably smiling _because _of that.

Ushering six children and two cages out the door, our annoying evil teacher grinned an evil Phantom grin that broke the seven-hundred and forty-nine windows in the building, plus many mirrors in the girl's bathroom.

Erik suddenly started crying.

"Have fun in your next class!" she yelled, slamming the door.

There was silence for a while.

"I like chocowate."

And then they stormed to the next class.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

**A/N: **I promised myself I wouldn't use anything from Forbidden Questions, but I probably am.

If you think this thing is funny (truly, I don't think my story is as funny as it could be) then please read my other parody. It's much better then this, plus maybe you'll understand things a little better. -Embarassed face-

Mrs. Watkins _is _my teacher, yes. And she is EVIL! EVIL I SAY!

Now, remember readers. If you can save the cheerleader, you can save the world.

And I'm not actually making typos, I'm just trying to type what a baby would say. It's kinda hard.

Thank you. Review.


	3. Social Studies part 1

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any phantoms of any operas. I don't own the person that thought up Kindergarden, and I own nothing but my imagination.

Which I doubt is in my posession.

What's with all the penguin movies?

Which story is this? I keep forgetting what I'm writing. Gimme a sec, I'll pull up the review page….

…..

….

….

….

….

….

My review page says I'm writing Phantom of the Kindergarden. And it's never lied to me before!

Okay, I would like to say, I absoulty hate this story. It's only going to last six periods (and lunch and ect.) because I really really don't like it.

Time to thank the reviewers!

**Supergirrl: **I know! I think he's been practicing since birth. Ooooh, it does sound like cooking! Well, at least Vengie's cooking.

**Serey: **It's hard to capture someone's personality that I don't even like in a little kid. But Erik's easy.

**Kloolk: **Oooh, I was actually going to have the cane as a question. Thanks for reminding me!

**Whisper of the Winds: **-grin- See, my other parody is funny too! Personally, I think it's better then this one.

**Halt at X: **Because he's Erik. That's why.

**FemmeLoki: **Because his smile is so evil that it burns through the bag.

Plus I think it doesn't go down to his mouth. It's like his mask.

**Sonne Feuer: **Mr. Tom? Sounds evil. Mrs. Watkins is fat and evil.

**The Magic Pickle Fairy: **That stupid doll in his lair gave me nightmares.

**PhantomoftheBasket: **I'm…I'm…being put in your story? LYKE, OMG!

He deserves a straight jacket.

**Icelands: **It's only kinda creepy. If Orlando Bloom was hot as a kid I'd still love him.

**Korrigan Moon: **If I had anyone like Carlotta…well, let's just say, when they strapped me into the chair, the murder would be just.

**Evanesce**GIMME THE CANDY AND NO ONE GETS HURT!!

**nanotech**I always thought that Erik would kill everyone except the females.

Christine 'cause he lurves her. Madame Giry because he's indebted to her (at least in the movie), and Meg because Madame Giry would kill him.

**Deirdre of the Sorrows**Yes, I know this, but thanks for telling me. I have severe spelling issues, and actually, down here where I live, not only do we say it with a 'd', a lot of teachers spell it that way too!

If you've read FQ, you'd understand the mirror in the girls' bathroom joke.

Also, if you read FQ, you'd know who Rose, Veng, and Insane are. If not, you'll know in a few seconds.

I gave up on the stupid not-eligible talk. They're kindergardeners, not babies. But they'll still talk wrong.

What class do I go to after Science? Oh, wait, that's right, I go to _Mrs. Watkins _class.

_DUN DUN DUN!!_

Welcome to Social Studies.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o**

"Why is we wandering around the hallways?" Andre wondered out loud, having the drag along his friend Firmin in a cage.

"Cuz we dun know where the next class is…" Raoul growled, having to drag along Erik's cage. Neither of them were that happy about it.

"Why not ask them four?" Carlotta pointed towards a group of four females. 15, 13, 17, and one was 9. She was being dragged by the arms by the 13-and-15-year-olds, and she was screaming bloody freaking murder.

"I'M NOT ACTUALLY A KID! PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I AM NOT GOING INTO THIRD GRADE!"

"Shush Shrimpett, it's your fault for being so young," Veng, the fifteen-year-old grunted. Insane, the one who's thirteen, was grinning like an idiot.

"Why can't I help?" whined Dominique, the seventeen-year-old, following closely behind the three. She had a kitten on her head. Veng, who's protective of her position, glared behind her.

"Because you're not part of the trio."

"HEYA!" Erik shrieked, causing the four females and all his classmates to turn and stare at him.

Rose suddenly scowled, and she broke away and strode over.

"When you're older, uglier, and your face is even more messed up, I'm going to do awful things to you."

Erik stared at her with a gaping jaw.

Dominique blinked a few times. "Is that my…"

Insane put her arm around her shoulders and lead her away quickly. "Come now, we have to get you out of here before the Fanfic lord figures out we've defied the law of physics again and this whole world collapses."

Veng came over and lead the authoress away.

Christine looked back at the crazy kid in the cage before Maria called happily, "FOUNDED IT!"

They stared at the door labeled 'Social Studies.'

"It's a class about talkin' to other peoples?" Meg wondered.

"It's not a study on bean social!" Erik yelled from his cage, still the prodigy that knew too much.

"How does we open the door?" Raoul groaned, panting heavily from having to lug around a metal cage with a child wearing a brown paper bag inside.

"Whu happened to his sacky?" Christine asked quietly, and Maria just made the 'don't-ask' gesture. Well, actually, it was slicing her hand across her neck, but close enough.

"I could make it go boom." Everyone turned to stare at Erik, who continued. "Or impale it wit a sword. Or rip it off it's hingies. Or-"

Maria took this moment to smack her stick into the cage, making it clang like a bell and causing the entire cage to vibrate.

Maria, although she isn't the most brilliant, she is the most sane. Therefore, she was able to simply walk over to the door and push it open.

"Hello students!" cheered an overly happy Social Studies teacher. He was bald, but his cheerful disposition could make a storm cloud whiten.

"I'm Mr. Oldham!"

Six students stared with open jaws. Firmin continued being in a state of non-brainatude.

"Mister…old ham?"

His smile vanished, and the lights in the room darkened and lightening flashed.

In the building.

"It's pronounced old-um. Never call me old ham."

Six eyes twitched as the inside storm vanished and he smiled brightly again. "Let's begin learning, shall we?"

**0oo00o0o0o**

A/N: I split it into two parts. I was bored.

Yeah, I'm using all my teachers. Yes, Mr. Oldham is my social studies teacher.

Yes, he will kill you if you called him Mr. Old-Ham.

Rose moi. Veng & Insane BFF. Dominique Gisele Supergirrl Fanfic buddy.

That clear things up?

Review?


	4. Social Studies part 2

**Disclaimer: **Okay, I would like to explain _why _I don't like this story.

First of all, I actually have no earthly clue why I _loathe _it. Probably because I don't feel original.

I've gotten more flame-like reviews for this then anything else.

It has a _plot. _If you know me well, I _can't stand _writing for plots. I don't like having something to follow. That's why I'm only allowed to do one-shots….and FQ.

I don't think it's funny enough.

I just don't feel original. xD

Now, for my reviewers.

**Pawfoot: **Hey, don't be sad. I won't take my hatred of this story out on it. Too much. xD Just kidding. I swear I'll finish it.

**Supergirrl: **Awaiting the preview with glee! I liked the door part too. It's the best part I could think of.

**Korrigan Moon: **Thanks. And I will remember the grasshopper!

**Kloolk: **Our favorite? More like _your _favorite. He still bugs me.

**Evanesce: **There's just always that teacher, isn't there?

**SOPROL: **Continuing!

**PhantomoftheBasket: **I swear I'll finish it! I truly don't know why I hate it.

**FemmeLoki: **Neopets? God, I did that when I was little.

Erik would be something big, dangerous, explosive, and obnoxious.

**Nanotech: **I used to think punjab was some sort of insult.

You can always smell danger and candle-smoke on Erik.

**LostBluePhantom: **I still think FQ is better. And no, this isn't going to be a review-putter-in story. Supergirrl is a very special person, and it's because of her that I write for fanfic.

And Vengie and Insane are my bestest best friends in the "real world."

If you want to be put into my parody's, then go ahead and FQ. I'll put you in there.

**Vengeance: **God, I remember when someone called him Clarkie Old-ham. He nearly put them in ISS.

I might have to put in the homicidal map in there. It goes with Erik.

**The Magic Pickle Fairy: **I fear Raoul more then I've ever feared Erik.

I. Have. Forty. Reviews.

On. Chapter. THREE!

I had 27 by chapter three of FQ.

Man, I can't wait until I have a _good _new story!

I'm improving their grammar more and more.

I bet you want the other half of PotK, now, don't ya?

**0o0o0o0o0o0o**

_Previously on Phantom of the Kindergarden:_

_After a disturbing episode with Mr. Oldham's name issues, the victi- I mean children are ready to be taught._

_Let God have mercy on their souls._

_Actually, let God have mercy on Maria, Christine's, and Meg's soul. I don't like Carlotta, Erik, Raoul, Andre, or Firmin._

_Let God have mercy on Mr. Oldham's soul, too._

----

"Let's begin learning, shall we?" Mr. Oldham grinned, his unnaturally smile stretching literally ear-to-ear.

"Crazy man alert," Christine whispered to Meg, and Erik whipped around.

"Are you talking 'bout me?"

Christine, knowing somehow that he'd one day become her angel, then betrayer, except not the betrayer part, looked bashful and was about to apologize, but Meg cut her off with a glance.

"Yeah, we is. Gotta problem with that?"

Maria hit her lightly- no, wait, that's the future Madame Giry. It wasn't lightly. But it wasn't letal.

"Don't speak with that accent, Megan."

"You're not the boss of me!"

"Yes I am!"

"Nu-uh!"

"I'm your mother, Meg! Be respectful to me!"

Of course, the entire population of the room stared at Maria.

"Doesn't it look like Meg's _older _then Maria?" Raoul whispered to Andre, who nodded.

Suddenly, there was a furious pounding at the door.

Mr. Oldham turned around walked- no, wait, he skipped- to the door and opened it.

There, in the doorway, was an absolutely steaming Carlotta.

"YOU COMPLETELY FORGOT ME IN THE LAST CHAPTER!" she stormed, her hair streaming in a ridicules look.

"I WAS JUST WANDERING AROUND THE HALLWAYS, WHEN SUDDENLY THERE WAS THIS CRAZY OLD LADY WHO CALLED HERSELF THE 'PRINCIE-PAL', AND THE 'WORD WIZARD', AND SHE MADE ME WATCH CHANNEL ONE!"

With that, Carlotta crumbled to the ground and broke into over-dramatic sobs.

"Well," Andre spoke up. "That went well, didn't it?"

"Let's sacrifice her to Tut Bubbles, Lord of all things Kangaroo," Erik said, beating at his cage bars with a plastic grasshopper.

While everyone turned to stare in shock at him, he actually managed to break the bars with the plastic grasshopper.

"So…" Mr. Oldham said, getting their attention again. "Does anyone know anything about Social Studies?"

Firmin, who had currently been twitching and snickering from whatever drugs Erik managed to slip him during his attack, stood up in his cage.

"Social Studies is the academic section about learning our history and geographic surface. It goes over the biological range of Europe's climate, to geography words such as steppe and heavy industry."

Everyone gaped at Firmin, except Raoul, who fainted. Then, without warning, Firmin fell into his side and began walking in a circle…on his side.

"Well…" Mr. Oldham trailed off again, so he stalked happily to his whiteboard and pulled down the map on the far right.

"You'll each be doing a Current Event every two weeks!" He took this moment to once again smile happily, "You'll be getting news around the world. And make it happy news! I don't want the same old story about people dying in other countries!"

He took his pointer and jabbed it at the map, which instantly snapped loudly, retracted, and lunged at Mr. Oldham.

The females all shrieked and ran to the back of the room (including Carlotta who stopped crying just so she could flee), Raoul shrieked, Andre began shouting "WE'RE DOOMED!", Firmin did nothing but giggle, and Erik waited calmly.

When Mr. Oldham effortlessly smacked down the homicidal map, Erik ran over and hugged it. "My mappy's just like me!"

Luckily then, the bell rang, and the students filed out of the classroom.

Mr. Oldham went to his desk and waited patiently, drumming his fingers.

Andre, on cue, came back in and began dragging away the Firmin cage.

**0o0o0o0o0o**

A/N: Ha! It only took me another day to get the other story! So ha!

Sorry you need to go to my school to understand most this junk, but I hope you still find it funny.

Do not push me, 'cause I'm close to the edge.


	5. Algebra

**Disclaimer: **How are you guys out there? I am wonderful! I read another book by my favorite author, Vivian Vende Velde. It's called A Well-Timed Enchantment, and it's a sorta romance/humor book. I highly recommend it.

Then I read Twilight, by Stephine Meyer or something like it, and it's a good book too. Not as funny as AWTM, but still cute. I'm trying to find a store that sells the sequel.

Any Erik bashers here? Or at least people that wouldn't mind seeing him bashed? I'll put this up on my profile! Look for the link.

It's the best thing in the world. Will Ferrell was meant to be the Phantom.

Alright then. I'm writing Phantom of Kindergarden, right?

So I should thank the reviewers, right?

Well, too bad! I'm too busy listening to It's A Hard-Knock Life from Annie.

Very cute play. Watch it.

Okay. I'll thank the reviewers now.

**Evanesce: **A lot of people seemed to _love _that line. It was just so random!

**FemmeLoki: **-is pushed into mud-

He's outta his cage because he broke it with a plastic grasshopper. Duh!

**Moriko Csove Doyle: **-Grin- Thanks. I love all the questions. And I'll answer them- in the story!

**Kloolk: **You're outta Social Studies? Lucky.

My homicidal map tried to kill me.

**LostBluePhantom: **No! No! I never mean to offend anyone! I am the person that only writes to put readers in my story! I'm just keeping this one phangirl free, but I am putting you in FQ.

**SOPROL: **Thank you. Continuing it.

**Korrigan Moon: **It may be a strong word, but it describes my feeling towards the story. But I'm still writing.

**PhantomoftheBasket: **I forgot her too. So I made it funny. I swear, I will finish it.

**The Magic Pickle Fairy: **My principal is crazy. She looks like that whacked principle on Fairly Odd Parents.

**An Jing: **Fear Erik. Fear him.

**Pawfoot: **There are three things on Channel One I pay attention to.

1: The Seven Wonders.

2: Interview with The Fray (jerked up from notebook so fast I got whiplash).

3: Interview with Panic! At the Disco! (Jerked up so fast I nearly fell out of my seat. Three girls _did _fall out of their seats.)

**nanotech: **My Word program has a B.F. when I'm typing in your guys names. xD. And that.

Tut Bubbles was my sixth grade social studies teacher. He was, shall we say, crazy?

**x-forbiddenrose-x: **Tehe, your name reminds me of mine. Well, a mix of mine and FQ.

Who feels like reading the newest chapter?

…Who feels like telling me what I have after Social Studies? Oh wait, scratch that. I have Algebra.

Yay?

**0o0o0o0o0oo**

The celebration went on and on, filling the hallways with happiness. It was kinda creepy. They were so happy they actually produced sparkles.

Why were they so happy?

Erik got himself stuffed into a locker.

You see, this is a school that is Kindergarden – Fifth Grade.

So, when Erik tried to threaten Bruce, a very _large _fifth grader (we believe he was held back a few ((seven)) years.), he got himself stuffed into locker number 666, and the children rejoiced.

Well, until the warning bell rang. All the little small PotO children (except Erik in a locker or Firmin hyped up on something) stopped, stared, then started running around in circles like chickens with their heads cut off, screaming.

Obviously some kids don't like the dum-dum-dum-ddduuumm bell.

"Go on, hurry up!" Mrs. Robinson, who was supposed to be the Science teacher but I wanted to torture Mrs. Watkins instead, yelled. "Get to class!" She brandished a jar with an explosive egg, and the six children (#7 AKA Firmin, had to be dragged in his straightjacket, because his cage rotted) dashed off to a classroom with a smiling woman standing outside it.

"Is this math?" Christine asked, and down the hallway a locker shuddered as someone inside tried desperately to get out and reach the owner of the voice.

"Dude, that's kinda pathetic," Meg mused, and received nods from Carlotta, Andre, and Raoul. Maria whacked her with her stick for bad grammar, and Firmin continued to be mentally unstable.

The teacher, named Mrs. Blackburn, stared at the obviously insane children.

"This is Algebra I.A. Are you all in this class?"

"Is there a difference in classes?" Andre asked, ignoring the giggling of Firmin.

"There are three. Pre-Algebra, Algebra I.A., and Algebra Honors."

Even though the six children (two didn't count. Guess which), had the combined brain equal to the smart-a-tude of the Authoress, they managed to figure out that the three classes where depended on your smartness. And, comparing the word 'pre' to the word 'honors', realized she said them from stupidest to stupid.

Eight of them. Three classes.

"Carlotta, Raoul, Andre, and Firmin go in Pre-Al," Maria said with such authority that no one denied. "To keep them safe, we'll put Christine and Meg in Algebra I.A. Erik and I will go into Algebra Honors."

"Does ya think you're really that brilliant?" Carlotta snorted, mostly ticked because she got put in the stupidest class.

"Do _you _trust Erik alone in a classroom?" Maria shot back.

No one argued with that, except Carlotta.

"What dangerous objects could he find in a math room?"

"Ever heard of a math compass?"

That silenced everyone. Well, except Mrs. Blackburn.

"Um, who is Eric?"

"It's spelled with a 'k'," Firmin said suddenly, causing everyone to stare.

"Uh, how can you tell how she's spelling it when she's pronouncing it?"

"Because I can read the floating text!" he grinned, twitching. Due to his mental state, he must he able to read what is being typed.

But, he's the only clinically mental one. Erik doesn't count, but I bet if he really tried he could read the text too.

Then Firmin had a small spasm, screamed the phrase "YOU BROKE THE SPATULA!", and fell into unconsciousness again.

And, down the hallway and in a locker with three numbers that are the exact same number, a dark chuckle emerged.

Meg was quiet for a minute, then sighed. "What are the teachers?"

"I teach Algebra I.A., Mrs. Kirchner teachers Honors, and Mrs. Lapp teaches Pre-Algebra."

And then, because the school is probably cursed/evil/homicidal, all the kids (and one locker) disappeared in a puff of smoke.

----

One locker and one blinking stick-wielding female were planted in desks, which immediately chained them down.

"Welcome to Algebra Honors. No one can hear you scream." The teacher at the front of the room, Mrs. Kirchner, was engulfed in blackness and holding a branding whip, which she snapped in the air. The atomic boom caused by the whip cracked the desks.

Just because no one could hear them didn't stop Maria from screaming, and I think Erik did too.

-----

Carlotta, Raoul, Andre, and a drugged little kid stared around the classroom. There was a grinning teacher (Mrs. Lapp) who looked like she was talking to complete idiots.

Wait. Never mind. Forget I said that.

"Hell-o little guys," she said very, very slowly, making sure they understood her.

Three kids stared in disbelief at her with their jaws open, all thinking the same thing.

_Does she really think we're _that _stupid?_

Firmin was currently being _that stupid._

"Do any of you know what two plus two isss??" she asked, still in her obnoxiously slow voice.

"Fish," Andre answered automatically, and she stared.

"IT'S BEEN PROVEN! TWO PLUS TWO EQUALS FISH!"

"I don't think Firmin is the only one hopped up," Carlotta whispered to Raoul, who nodded.

------

Meg and Christine, hearing the terrified shrieks of Maria and Erik, and also the chanting of Andre, where absolutely immobilized with horror. They were cowering in the corner of the room, clutching at each other's hands, basically waiting for death to come.

Mrs. Blackburn stared at them, one eyebrow raised.

"You guys know I'm not evil, right?"

They shook their heads rapidly.

"Um, well, I'm not. Do either of you know how to do math?"

"We're ballet girls, Madame. We don't actually know how to do anything but dance," Meg squeaked.

"And sing," Christine added.

"And apparently speak French," Mrs. Blackburn mumbled, shaking her head lightly. Then she sighed. "I'll teach you basic math. What is two and two?"

"'And' being multiplication or 'and' being addition? Well, then again, they're both equivalent to four."

Meg gaped at her best friend, who just said that.

"What drug did Erik slip you?" she growled quietly, concerned.

Christine just did her deer-in-headlights look, trying to act innocent and fluttering her eyelashes.

Meg scooted away, oddly creeped out.

---

"HELP US!!" Maria screamed, thrashing against her chains. Erik, who somehow got out of his locker but still stuck in the chains (it evolved a toothbrush, lettuce, an giant rubbed 'Q', and a MasterCard.) yelled and jerked uncontrollably.

"Maria!" gasped Erik after working himself to near collapsing.

"W-what?" she choked out, panting.

"If we don't survive this, there is something I want to tell you."

"…Uh, what?"

"Thanks for saving me."

This very adorable, touching, and slightly creepy moment was ruined as Maria started crying. Erik seemed fairly concerned, enough for a friend but not enough for anything more (yeah I'm talking to you out there, reading this, you _MG/E _shippers).

"What's wrong?"

"You're a complete idiot, you'll one day terrorize my daughter's best friend, destroy an Opera House, kill many, but I'm still happy I saved you."

Due to the chains, they couldn't hug. But this display of frou-frou affection was so disgusting that the Mrs. Kirchner fainted, and so did the Authoress.

……..

……..

…….

…….

…..

…….

The people who were reading this story suddenly realized that the Authoress _did _faint, and they would have to wait a few minutes and watch an intervention.

As the dancing fruit prance around the stage, you hear sirens in the background and someone shouting "CLEAR!", and then a buzz of electricity, and a sudden yell and a stream of curses I cannot type here.

Cheers went up worldwide as the intervention ended.

-----

"Look lady," Andre sighed. "We aren't as stupid as you think. Don't judge us by Firmin! He was slipped drugs from the infamous Opera Ghost!"

The look on Mrs. Lapp's face said that just proved they were crazy.

Carlotta sighed, twirling her red hair over and over again on her finger.

Raoul was silent, having his pink crayons taken away.

Firmin squealed, his left eye rolling uncontrollably like some creepy old guy in Harry Potter. Then he giggled like a Furbie.

------

"So, obviously, our friends…and Erik. And Carlotta are being tortured. We're in a room with a teacher that seems crazy but might not be. So, what shall we do?" Meg asked quietly, still in a corner but not in Christine's corner.

"We sit quietly and wait for the bell to ring."

And it did. The two girls cheered and ran from the room.

---

Maria and Erik's chains were released, and both of them dashed out of the room in record time. Mrs. Kirchner looked disappointed.

----

Raoul, Carlotta, and Andre basically flew from the room. Firmin continued giggling. But Andre forgot to come back, so Raoul had to peek back in.

"Um, excuse me, sorry," he mumbled, slinking back in and grabbing the handle on the straightjacket.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o**

**A/N: **Okay, I would like to apologize to my teachers. Mrs. Kirchner is not really evil, Mrs. Lapp doesn't talk to kids like their idiots (well, not too many kids), and Mrs. Blackburn's actually kinda nice.

Come on guys. Review. Reeeevvviiieeewww.


	6. Language Arts

**Disclaimer: **I'm writing PotK, right? Yeah, I think so. I'm also distracted by Hugh Laurie (House).

I love his eyes!

They're better then Erik's!

I'm writing this because I have strep, and I can't go to school. I hate being sick. I'm sooo bored. I watched PotO for the umpteenth time, and I still laughed at it.

I think Christine's head is too small for her body.

Did you know on wikipedia, the Punjab Lasso has it's own section? I mean, really.

I know, I know, get on to the review thanking-ness.

**SOPROL: **It's supposed to be involved. I need to watch my spell-checker.

**Korrigan Moon: **The cage-rotting thing came from a mock trial I had to do. I said I was put in a cage, and the redcoats never let me out. So when the attorney asked how I got to trial, I said cages rot after a while.

Bruce deserves a hug.

**Kathryn Glover: **Yeah it's weird. Yeah it's insane. And ya better believe it's compelling!

**Supergirrl: **Happy thanksgiving right back at ya! And I'm ecstatic about the parody thing. It'll be wonderful!

**Phantom's Melody: **Aww, I'm so happy that you like it! And I'll spice it up in my ways. Wow. I'm not sure what's creepier, the smile or the chainsaw.

**Evanesce: **It's Emma (Insane's) line. And the Will Ferrell thing is sooo funny. (If you haven't seen it, go to my look-up RIGHT NOW)

**Vengeance: **Oh don't even complain about the teachers. And yeah, Mrs. Blackburn's pretty cool. But I wish she trusted me not to kill Zac and didn't have that camera pointed at me!

**The Grim Phantasm- FEAR: **Love the name. And I'll continue it! It's nearly finished!

**The Magic Pickle Fairy: **3.14 is pi. VENG/INSANE, DO NOT COMMENT ON PI!

Two plus two does equal fish. Do not deny it.

**The Little Mademoiselle: **Cute name!

**FemmeLoki: **It's snowing? It hasn't snowed here since 2001! Lucky!

**PhantomoftheBasket: **Chaos owns. And congrats on your brother's game! And I love your story!!

**x-forbiddenrose-x: **Thanks. And I'm looking for New Moon and Thief Lord.

**Pawfoot: **Awww, poor thing. –Pats- Honors is scary.

**Gerikslover (**Kloolk): I know. I love that you have an AIM! And the "no one can hear you scream" comes from Miss Natzi Dossey.

**Nanotech: **Nice. You giggled. Sloths rule! But the FruitoftheLoom people deserved some credit.

**Harry's Girl 01031992: **:) Creepy. I made a smiley thing. And thanks for loving the story!

**LostBluePhantom: **You know that you're a genius. BLUE CRAYONS RULE!

**Blue's Dreamer: **I don't know why we save the cheerleader either. She hugged me, and I got strep.

Alright, alright, I'll get on with the story! Time for English! (Or language arts, whatever)

**0o0o0o0o0o0**

"Oh Erik, I love you so!" Christine cried, rushing over to her husband. She hugged him tightly. Erik seemed _very _happy.

But before they could kiss passionately…

"STOP HUGGING ME!!!"

Erik was thrown out of his blissful dream as he was knocked to the floor by something hard and long. Opening his unnaturally golden eyes quickly, he saw the face of a very, very, _very _ticked-off Maria. She was still clutching her branch.

"Wh-where am I?" the little idiot asked groggily, sitting up.

"In the hallway. Of the school. And you fell asleep, and you hugged me. I beat you with my stick. Any other questions?"

"Where's Christine?"

_THWAK!_

Maria lugged the unconscious body towards the door at the end of the hall, grumbling and muttering about love-struck fools falling for girls who have a weird taste for men with awful hair.

----

"Where are they?" Meg whispered quietly to Christine, who shrugged. Two the ballet girls were watching the clock. In three minutes, the late bell would ring, and Maria and Erik would be locked out.

Carlotta, Raoul, Andre, and a drugged Firmin were currently gaping at the very _old _teacher, standing at the front of the room.

"Is that a crowbar?" Raoul asked timidly, and Mrs. Norton, the teacher, looked down at it.

"No, no, of course not."

The three let out a sigh of relief.

"It's a desk bar. It hits harder."

The gaping resumed, and it was quiet on that section of the room until Firmin spoke up.

"Don Juan's always triumphant!"

And then his head turned in a complete circle, his eyes rolled into the back of his head, and he fainted again.

Mrs. Norton stared for a few moments, then looked at Andre. "Is he okay?"

"No. And he never will be."

She seemed to take this as a good answer, and suddenly, the late bell rang. The teacher walked calmly to the door, but that's boring, so I'm going to make it in slow-motion.

Mrs. Norton walked ever so slowly to the door, and our PotK camera is now switching from the teacher to the running Maria in the hallway, dragging along an unmoving body-bag (YAY!), and is getting chased by a pack of rabid Swezchezdomstanian chinchillas.

To add to the drama, we have added dramatic music!

_Wakin' up to early, maybe we could sleep in. Make you banana pancakes, pretend that's it the weekend now._

Of course, the Authoress does notice that instead of Pump It!, she has accidentally turned on Jack Johnson. But due to the fact she likes this song, she isn't going to change it.

The chinchillas are moving in slow-motion too, so you can see all the beads of foam on their fluffy little mouths, and you can also see that the one in the front has a collar that reads:

Erik-Killer

Owned by Rose

If found, please sic on the Phantom of the Opera

But alas, she somehow manages to make it to the door. She dives through the door, but Mrs. Norton is closing it, so it gets stuck on the body-bag, which is torn off.

"You killed the Phantom of the opera!" Raoul gasps, looking a little _too _happy.

"Huh?" Maria mumbles, then looks back at the non-breathing Erik.

"Oh, no, he's fine."

"Then why isn't he breathing?" Andre asked. Carlotta looked like she didn't care even if he had been shocked by eels.

"Because he doesn't breathe. He's a phantom." Maria enjoyed the looks on their horrified faces, so she cackled somewhat evilly. Then she walks back over to the ballet brats, and they talk like nothing has even happened.

"Excuse me!" Mrs. Norton called, and all the little children looked at her.

"It is Friday, so we all have to go down to the library and get books."

They continued to stare at her. Then they all go back to what they were doing, ignoring the woman. She gets angry. She walks up to her chalkboard, and pulls her fingernails down it.

Christine, Meg, Maria, Raoul, Andre, Carlotta, and even Firmin screamed. Erik jerked awake and started applauding.

"Library!" Mrs. Norton yelled, waving her deskbar. "Now!"

Then, ignoring the rabid chinchillas, opened the door and ushered the children out.

---

Upon entering the library, Erik scurried off to some unknown section and returned a few minutes later, holding a book. Then, ignoring his other classmates, walked to a corner and sat down, reading.

"The Phantom?" Meg whispered, reading the front-cover. "By Susan Kay?" She looked over at her mother-turned-friend. "Isn't that the version of Phantom of the Opera where Erik and Christine have a child?"

Maria nodded quietly, making sure Christine wasn't looking. And she wasn't. She had very quickly picked up the book Little Lotte.

Wow. How surprising.

Meg went off to go read. She eventually picked up If You Give A Mouse A Cookie, or something like that.

Maria was searching for a book on the shelf, but suddenly had one chucked at her. It hit her point-blank on the side of her head. She yelped.

There was dark snickering from a corner of the library where a stupid phantom sat, bending down farther to be hidden in his book.

She looked down at the stupid book. Phantom of the Auditorium. The R.L. Stine version of PotO.

"No," she growled to Erik, and got shushed by Mrs. Norton, who was reading How To Kill A Mockingbird.

Erik didn't reply, but when Maria turned away, threw another book at her.

Angel of Music: Tales of the Phantom by Carrie Hernández. Maria turned to yell at him, got shushed, turned around, and got another version of Phantom of the Opera thrown at her.

This continued until Maria was buried alive under 36 (I actually counted them all) different versions of Phantom of the Opera. Maskerade, a parody version of PotO, was the only one missing. It had been checked out by Rose, and she didn't plan on giving it back.

Raoul was reading an assortment of Barbie books.

Carlotta was reading Children of the Corn, and looking way too happy about it.

Andre was reading an ABC book, but it was too complicated for him, so he put it back and read Green Eggs and Ham.

Firmin, still hopped up and in a straightjacket, was reading the German To English dictionary. And understanding every word.

Suddenly, and without warning, Mrs. Norton looked up from her novel and glanced at the clock. Then she clicked her tongue, frowning slightly.

"Well, my little chickadees, it seems it's lunch time. Please put your books back on the shelves and head to the Commons, and I will see you tomorr-"

_Whooooosh._

All eight students rushed out of the library, none of them putting their books back. After the dust cleared, Mrs. Norton noticed the empty straightjacket.

That meant one thing.

Firmin was free.

_Dun dun dun._

**0o0o0o0o0o**

**A/N: **My iPod battery died. I can't write without my precious music. Plus I'm seriously bored, my throat hurts, and I'm bboorrreedd.

Short chapter, I know.

Come on people, review. It'll make me a very happy camper. The faster I get 12-ish reviews, the faster I update!


	7. Somehow Lunch

**Disclaimer: **Shh. I'm on the run. –Shifty eyes-

I swear. I'm _not _the one who egged Gerard Butler's house. Just because all the fun little NCIS and CSI people found my fingerprints on the shells doesn't mean I did it!

PLEASE PEOPLE, DO ME A FAVOR! Veng got this crazy idea that I can finish my book by Christmas, so she's been keeping me from writing on fanfic. So, I want you all to email her at Hiccuphorse24204 at yahoo dot com and basically bug her with Erik obsessive-ness.

Okay. I'm defiantly supposed to be studying for a Theatre test, or doing my much-too-complex math homework, or even studying for the midterm in science I have tomorrow…but really. Over-rated. I'm already going to be an Authoress. I don't _need _to pass school.

Okay. Please don't ever, like, go by my word. You guys _need _to pass school. I'm just kidding. Don't flunk. I'll end up not failing. So don't worry. (See! I'm writing this the next day. I did fine!)

Alright. Thank the reviewers, get on with life. I get it, I get it.

**Pawfoot: **My God, I know. When he came on SNL, they had this really random picture of him and a blue parrot, but his eyes were so _amazing _in that picture that I actually hugged (or tried to) the television.

**Moriko Csove Doyle: **Nice. Book victim? I was actually the one who threw the book…and got kicked out of the library.

**Gerikslover: **: ) She loves it! And you tore the heads off barbies? I did too!

**Supergirrl: **Thank. And deal!

**SOPROL: **I know. Beware Firmin!

**The Grim Phantasm- FEAR: **Peace Fear. Sup? Feel absolutely free to review over and over again! It's the only way I get a bunch of reviews.

I think that Meg needed a more innocent book.

I lurve Children of the Corn. I saw the movie (I heart Stephen King. See Dream Catcher!) and even though it's _really _violent, it's pretty funny.

Plus, I mean, really. Children of the Corn? That isn't a scary name, Stephen!

**PhantomoftheBasket: **We're going to be reading the book if the class ever gets over the trauma of Rikki-Tikki-Tavi (Are we THREE-YEAR-OLDS, YOU FREAKY LADY?!).

Ha. This guy in my yearbook was reading the German dictionary. That's where I got it.

**The Little Mademoiselle: **: ) Very nice. And there are actually 40. The original, the Kay version mini Erik was reading, the "borrowed" parody version, and the R.L. Stine version I forgot to count with the other 36 that was thrown on top of Maria. 40.

**FemmeLoki: **I'm a ducky?

**Korrigan Moon: **Crazy Firmin with his bad singing abilities.

**Nanotech: **Ha. I do too. I like Grapes. Apples is too self-centered.

**Scotskitten: **YES! I SHALL GIVE YOU THE OTHER VERSIONS! Okay. Go to Wikipedia. Then type Phantom of the Opera Adaptations. There should be something you can click to go to a page. Then there's a bunch of films…broadways…look for literature. TA-DA!

Enjoy!

**Evanesce: **Oooohhh, chinchillas own. Ha. Broke-Back Mountain. I never saw that movie. Gay people scare me….

WANT SOME MORE ERIK BASHING? IT'S HILARIUS! TELL ME IN A REVIEW OR PM ME. I WILL SEND YOU THE LINK!

**0o0o0o0o0o**

"Dude…where's the lunch room?" Meg looked around the vast, empty hallways which led into the depths of hell and other fun classes, such as Teen Living and…Teen Living.

Carlotta, being twice as ditzy and three times as ADD as Christine, wasn't paying attention to the child-soon-to-be-ballet-brat, and was counting her amount of classmates.

"Gasp-a! We are-a mizzing two peoples!" (It's not in baby talk. It's Carlotta).

"Look, you insolent little emu who is not only a disgrace to life but is breathing my incredibly shmexy air, shut up," Erik grumbled, very slowly attempting to sneak closer to Christine.

Maria beat Erik with her stick until Erik was suddenly and randomly run over by a truck that crashed through the wall and decided to run him over. The truck had also gone through an electric fence, and carried a little bit with it, so Erik was also fried.

"Some writers have _issssss-ueeesssss_," Raoul sang femininely (and foppishly), resulting in getting beaten up by Bruce because I just randomly decided to put him there.

"No seriouzly!" Carlotta continued, ignoring her two mortally-wounded classmates. "We're mizzing two!"

"Carlotta, my diva, my duchess, queen, my master, my-" Andre was cut off when (how many live people do with we left? Uhh..) Buquet, who I just decided to put in there, hit him on the head.

"Shut UP you suck-up!" he yelled, then was quiet as he eyed the ballet brats.

Erik came back to life (darn) and jump-rope punjabbed Buquet. Meg screamed, er, _shrieked _at the top of her lungs.

"IT'S THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!"

Then she went tearing down the hallways. The remaining people stared.

"What is she, like, the calling card for your arrival?" The dead Buquet wondered before his lifeless corpse was thrown out the giant hole in the school that the random truck created.

Carlotta, angry that no one was paying attention to her, suddenly did her window-shattering-Hannibal thingy. Everyone flinched (except Christine. There is self-injected poison in Carlotta's voice, so it's supposed to kill the 'little toad'. It didn't. She just fainted, and Erik swooped in dramatically to catch her. Of course.)

"WE IS MIZZING TWO PEOPLES!"

Everyone stared at her. Erik seemed very, _very _happy, currently with arms full of his would-be lover.

"Did you forget to count _yourself _again, Carry?" Maria asked tiredly, shooting a look towards her oldest friend before walking off to find her daughter.

Carlotta was quiet for a moment.

"WE IS MIZZING ONE PEOPLES!"

Well, it seems we're out of people. Erik is basically intoxicated from having Christine in his arms, Christine was unconscious, Raoul was beaten up by Bruce, Meg ran off screaming, Maria went to find her, Carlotta was being ignored, Firmin was missing, Andre was-

Oh shoot. Guess we still have Andre.

"FIRMIN IS MISSING!"

Everyone turned to stare at Andre, who seemed in a state of panic.

"So?" This was Carlotta. No one else really could speak.

"HE'S HOPPED UP ON SOMETHING, AND MEG AND MARIA ARE WANDERING AROUND THIS CREEPY PLACE ALONE! THAT'S LIKE LEAVING BALLET BRATS WITH BUQUET!"

No one really cared, sadly. So Andre took drastic matters.

He whistled, and used the magic abilities of the phic. Instantly, Christine vanished and Erik looked like his world just crashed down. She was replaced with Maria (still in his arms), who stared at Erik with a look of horror, and Erik stared back at her with a look of horror, and then Maria beat Erik up with a stick.

"And now Christine is the one wandering the school with a drugged Firmin probably, at the moment, stalking her."

That's all it took to get Erik taking off at full speed. Or maybe it was the fact he was getting beaten up by Maria.

-----

"Uh…Christine?"

"Yes Meg?"

"If I don't survive this, I want you to know…I think you're a ditz."

"Okay. And if I don't survive this, I want you to know that the person that plays you in the movie is like, a porn star, and Meg is supposed to have black hair; not blonde."

The two little girls were quiet as they stared, with the utmost terror, at the little kid standing on the one of the lunch tables.

"I AM THE PHANTOM OF THE SCHOOL!"

I bet you can just guess who it is. Well, Firmin was obviously drugged _really _bad, because he was now wearing a skinned car tire (unlike Erik's black security blanket around his neck), had a blue-feathered (Insert Name Of New Orleans Festive Here) mask on the left side of his face (opposite of Erik's), and was holding a wooden sword.

And he was swaying in a very, very, _very _drunken way.

"Actually, I don't think we're in any danger," Christine said brightly.

"It's a hopped up Firmin. We're always in danger."

"TOUCH MY GIRL AND I KILL YOU!"

Out of seemingly no where, a flash of small blackness torpedoed into Firmin, knocking him off the table.

Meg grinned a little bit at the obsessive-ness of her best friend's would-be boyfriend. But as she turned to look at Christine, she noticed she seemed a little off.

"What?"

"Well, usually he calls me his Angel, or Chrissie or just Christine. He's never called me his girl."

"So?" Meg didn't get it.

"I think he was talking about you."

…Well, this next scene involved a severe heart-attack, an ambulance, a beaten up Firmin, an even worse beaten up Erik because Maria blamed him for the heart-attack of her "daughter", and the rest of the mini people to go get food.

"So, think they'll be okay?" Andre asked quietly, munching on a apple and ignoring the large metal crate with _no _air-holes sitting behind him. He was currently looking at a recovering Meg, and a Maria and Erik who had been put in time-out for nearly killing another student.

And Maria had her stick taken away from her so she couldn't try and kill Erik again. Erik lost his punjab privileges. Both were forced to eat the cafeteria hamburgers which not only floated in grease, but if you threw them against the ground, they would fly into the ceiling and stick.

Which Erik and Maria had found this out, they made a competition out of it. Neither would actually eat their hamburgers, but continually chuck them at the ground to be hit into the ceiling, making an awful _thawp _sound.

"This-" _Thwap, _"Is-" _Thwap, _"All-" _Thwap, _"Your-" _Thwap _, "Fault." Erik was in a sour mood.

"Mine?" _Thwap, _"You're-"_ Thwap, _ "The-"_ Thwap, _ "One-"_ Thwap, _"Who-"_ Thwap, _"Endangered-" "My-" _Thwap, _ "Daughter!"

I, the Authoress, would still like to comment that saying Maria is Meg's mother is still very creepy.

Meg was chewing very quietly on her chocolate poptart, sitting across from Christine, who was looking at her in horror.

"How can you eat such a fattening thing!"

Christine's meal consisted of a bread crumb.

Raoul had a sandwich, Carlotta had shrimp and caviar, and I don't feel like feeding Firmin.

"So, escuze me, how long do we have to wait here?" Carlotta asked impatiently, ignoring the thwaping in the background.

"Well, we just have to wait for the belly thingy to ring," Raoul said simply.

"This school doesn't have a lunch bell. You leave when the teachers tell you too," the somehow-alive Firmin said from his crate. Everyone looked around.

"Let's go," Meg said, finishing her poptart. They all nodded and got up from the table.

"Come on guys!"

Meg was ignored. Erik was finishing up his picture of Christine's face which he'd made out of hamburgers stuck to the ceiling, and Maria didn't like to lose to Erik.

"Christine, do me a favor and walk down that hallway," Meg said quickly, and her friend obeyed.

Erik stopped mid-curl and went rushing after her. Maria broke into a grin, having won, then got up and left with the rest of the group.

Then, Mrs. Watkins came in the cafeteria to get something for lunch, and all the hamburgers fell on top of her.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

**O0o0o0o0o0o0o**

**A/N: **Yeah. I'm that weird. If you want to see something hilarious, tell me in your review. Oh, yeah. Review. It would make me happy.


	8. Related Arts 1

**Disclaimer: **No seriously. What is the possibility that lawyers will come to Fanfic, click Books, click Phantom of the Opera, actually find _my _story, then make it all the way to this chapter without losing their minds? It seems quite impossible, so I can say with complete confidence: I own Phantom of the Opera. So there.

Guess what guys! I finally stopped hating this story! Yay me!!

Does anyone know if New Moon has another book coming after it?

I have nothing else witty to say, so I'm just going to thank the reviewers.

**FemmeLoki: **Yes, yes, this is a wonderful story. And yay for laughter!

**Luckii.Jinx: **School hamburgers are the work of the devil. Like mosquitoes and myspace.

**Supergirrl: **I haven't eaten school lunch since 5th grade. It's all evil.

**PhantomoftheBasket: **Ha! Being evil to my buddies is fun. And just because I don't like Erik doesn't mean I don't pay attention during the movie. Not feeding Firmin rules!

**Serey-Sass: **Yay for Erik bashing!

**The Magic Pickle Fairy: **40 versions, actually. So I guess the whole "killing the main character" thing didn't actually work. I wonder if we should tell J.K. Rowling that before she offs Harry…

**Gerikslover: **I was considering feeding her oxygen (filter feeding. Oh no, I've been watching SpongeBob again!), but then I realized she needed something more then her 'eat a cheese cube whenever you start to feel like you're going to faint' diet.

Go copy and pasting.

**The Magic Pickle Fairy: **Ha! You reviewed for two chapters! And goooo randomness!

**The Little Mademoiselle: **WE'VE LOST HER!!

**LostBluePhantom: **You want your review reply to be hilarious? Okay then. Um, I'll try.

YOU DID NOT REVIEW!! HOW DARETH YOU!! CURSE YOU AND YOUR LACK OF ATTENTION TO YOUR TO-DO LIST!!

**Moriko Csove Doyle: **Ha. I'm funny. And I thought I'd seen Meg somewhere else, too. I've had books thrown at me. Bring in the NBC gang? Or evil Furbies/iPets? Hmm. I think I have a better idea…

**Pawfoot: **School lunch scares me.

**MeGoobie: **You love Firmin? –Gasp- SHE'S LOST HER MIND! OPERATOR, GIVE ME THE NUMBER FOR 9-1-1!

**Halt at X: **I made her happy! And I think X-tine's a porn star, too.

**Insane: **Now, now, Insane, don't hog your chocolate poptarts. You already have your stash. Share with the nice blonde ballet girl with an empty head.

**The Grim Phantasm- FEAR: **Well, I don't know about _your _school, but ours do. And please, keep reviewing! It makes me happy. And you're doing Christmas Carol too? Wow.

**Erik's Muse: **Feel free to laugh in class, and we should all praise plastic grasshoppers!

**Evanesce: **I'm a homophobic. That's why I can't see the Something of Ricky Bobby again.

I fear French gays.

Mmmmmkay. This may take a chapter…or two…or three. It's Related Arts.

Warning: Mass hysteria, terrifying teachers, Drew Carey quirks, and Justin Timberlake may induce.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

"We iz lost!!" Carlotta wailed, suddenly ceasing in her walking. All the other little kiddies stopped and turned around to look at her.

"No, we aren't." Raoul, annoyed with her, seemed annoyed to have to say this again.

Andre was still lugging Firmin, who was back in his air-holeless crate. And I'm still not feeding him.

"Yes we iz! We've been wazking in zircles!"

At this point, the words of this phic vanish, and are replaced by a map of this forsaken school, complete with the little peoples paths illuminated in fun little dots, showing that they actually have been walking in circles. Well, more like squares, but you get the picture.

Then the words come back. Our little vic- I mean, uh, characters are still wandering aimlessly until the unexpected happened.

The bell rang.

_Ding-ding-ding-ddiinnggg._

Doors suddenly fly open, and students come from places you'd never suspect (classrooms, holes in the ceiling, the torture chamber labeled "Guidance Counselor".), and force themselves through the 12:25 Rush-Hour to get to their lockers.

But, then, suddenly, the bell rang again.

It was at this point that the PotO cast notice Erik is missing.

Pure silence. For three excruciatingly painful seconds, the bell chimed on. It was the late bell, right after the 4th period dismissal one. Both bells had chimed about seven seconds apart, but would the students still be counted as…_late?_

The first scream broke out, and then another, and another. Students yanked their stuff from their lockers and continued yelling and running around (some of them in circles like chickens with their heads cut off). Some took advantage of the hysteria to throw their homework onto the ground to get stomped on by the Mob so they wouldn't have to do it, and others screamed so loud that they rivaled Carlotta.

Erik then returned, happy with the utter chaos he had caused. He held a bunch of different sheets of paper, ignoring the panicked shrieking in the background.

"I know where we need to go next!"

He handed them out. Each sheet held two related arts, and directions on how to get there.

"Uh, Monsieur, what are we going to do with Firmin?' Meg asked quietly, cocking her head towards the air-holeless box, now with a piece of paper taped to it.

"Erm, isn't he dead already?" Erik didn't seem to care much.

"Why don't you check?" Maria countered.

"And how do you think I'd do that?" Erik fired right back.

"What do you suggest?"

"What do you think I should do?"

"Why don't you kick the box to see if he's alive?"

"Why don't you?"

"Weren't you the one who wanted to check to see if he was alive?"

Erik, no longer able to think of a question to fire back, suddenly heard a buzzer go off. They all turned to see Drew Carey sitting behind a desk-sort of thing, pressing down on a buzzer and laughing.

"Alright. Maria was the winner of the Question Game, receiving 500 points. Erik: you get none. Alright. Next up is Wayne, Christine, and Ryan, for the Party Quirks game."

All the children stared at him. Their jaws dropped when Ryan and Wayne appeared out of no where.

"Ugh. I hate the Party Quirks game," Ryan whispered to Wayne.

"Uh, excuse me, but I think you're in the wrong parody. We're in a school story, not a Whose Line one," the Box-That-Is-Actually-Firmin commented smoothly.

This confused them even more.

Drew looked disappointed, and sighed. But he and the other two guys vanished.

The kids just stared in shock at nothingness. A few of them were looking at the box and debating whether Firmin learned how to breathe carbon dioxide by merging with a plant, or doesn't breathe at all.

"Okay then. I'm going to go follow this little mappy thing to my class. See you guys later!" Raoul smiled girlishly, waved, and then walked off.

Soon, all the small ones were off to their classes. Except Firmin. His box just…sat there.

------

"Teen…Living…" Maria read slowly, looking down to her sheet. Then she looked up at the sign on the door.

"Yup. This is definitely the place," she mumbled, then turned her head a little bit to see Meg standing outside the Tech class, staring at it with wide eyes.

Both girls exchanged a nervous smile before stepping into their classrooms.

Maria noticed the teacher instantly, and her rather disturbing smile. And the knives she had on her wall.

"Welcome to Teen Living. Today, we're going to watch a video on AIDS. I will cover how you get AIDS, what happens when you get AIDS, all the poor little babies in Africa sobbing for hours on end because they have AIDS, and all the pain of AIDS."

The door suddenly locked eighteen times, was covered with a metal grate, and all the windows went black.

"Let's start the video, shall we?"

--o----o----o----

"You want me to type "The little red wagon rode down the hill and passed Suzy." 100 times…why?" Meg asked, balancing on her four phonebooks. She was a short little kid.

"Because it'll raise your typing speed. Do it!" Coach Clarke thundered. Meg shrugged and began typing. She continued typing until the screaming began. Then she stopped.

"Uh, what was that?"

"Nothing. Just the reactions of the Teen Living students. Keep going."

Meg stared at him, remembering her mother-turned-bestest-best-friend was in Teen Living.

"Keep typing!"

----o-----o----o----

"Instrumental Music? I'm in _band?_" Erik cried in disbelief, looking around the dome-ish band room.

"What are _you doing here?!_" His voice went up an octave as he found the speechless metal box sitting in front of a saxophone case.

Firmin, of course, did not answer.

Erik sighed, walking over to the snare drums. The sticks looked semi-dangerous.

"Hello, students!"

Our mini Phantom turned to see a fat female teacher holding a clarinet.

"I'm Miss Nazi- I mean, Miss Dossey," she giggled falsely, sounding like nails on a chalkboard. "Oops. Silly me!"

Erik twitched visibly. He could tell this was going to be painful.

----o-----o------o-----

Raoul and Andre were in Choir. It seemed like a normal class until they saw…_him._

The bald teacher. The bald, _smiling _teacher. That couldn't be good.

"This is Chorus class. Go ahead, I want everyone to sing a song."

Lucky for Andre and Firmin, they could call upon the magic powers of this phic to get _real _singers (No, not Gerard) to help them.

Andre asked for Justin Timberlake. But he made the mistake of letting Justin choose the song.

Soon, both the ex-NSYNC singer and the miniature manager were dressed as Cup O' Soup.

Then the singing began.

"_WESTSIDEE!!" _Both yelled, making peace signs (with thumb) with their hands but having them face each other over their chests.

"Yo, when the soup's in the cup, Ma, drink it like it's hawt, drink it like it's hawt, drink it like it's hawt," both danced, jerking their hands to their faces as if drinking soup from a cup. Then they danced in a circle as the music continued until both were facing west/left, then spread their arms out.

"Give it up for _Homelessville!!_"

Then it was Raoul's turn. Andre had obviously aced his song/dance entrance exam…thing, so he had a lot to go up against.

Raoul called the only singer he knew.

Suddenly, a black man wearing a tuxedo, black hat, white gloves, and lime green clogs was standing there.

"Four, tres, two, uno!"

Then the music started. Our "mystery" man continued singing.

"Listen up ya'll, 'cause this is it. The beat that I'm banging is full off shush."

Then Raoul began singing.

"Fergielicious definition, make them boys go loco. They want my treasures so they get their pleasures from my phot-"

But then the pain ended, because the narrator was so scarred and disturbed that she actually fainted.

---o----o-----o-----

Carlotta e Christine estavam na classe a mais fácil. Tiveram do "o foco estudo", que, ou seja "Naptime significado".

Carlotta era completamente fora dele, ressonando como um urso sufocando, quando Christine estava lutando para permanecer acordada. Era duro. Esta classe era pointless.

The readers were suddenly alarmed that their narrator was speaking Portuguese, and waited calmly until people could revive the old one and have everything English again….

…A nice commercial about a reindeer telling some guy to get a laptop came on, and kept re-playing until there was the now-daily shout of "CLEAR!", sound of an electrical shock, and some girl screaming at the top of her lungs.

….

Carlotta and Christine were in the easiest class. They had "Study focus", which, in other words, meant "Naptime".

Carlotta was completely out of it, snoring like a suffocating bear, while Christine was fighting to stay awake. It was hard. This class was pointless.

Let's check on the others, shall we?

----o-----o----o----

The screams of pain and horror continued from the Teen Living room.

---o----o---o----

Nothing interesting ever happens in the Tech room.

---o----o---o----

Erik, thinking fast as he attempted to keep the evil demon that was Miss Dossey away from him, picked up Firmin's box and threw it at her. She let out a witchly shriek as she was momentarily flattened.

Erik then went to get the tuba case.

---o----o---o----

Andre was conversing with Justin Timberlake, talking about other rap songs they could screw up to be about soup.

Raoul was in the hallway with Mr. Lambert, the bald choir teacher. He was scolding him.

"You should have known not to call on Will-I-Am. It was a mistake, and- excuse me, is that lip gloss you're carrying?"

He stopped some random girl in the hallway, who held a tiny tube of lip gloss. She nodded timidly.

"Hand it over." Mr. Lambert thrusted out his hand. She gave it to him.

"Thank you," he shooed her away before he actually applied the gloss.

"Hmm. Bubble gum."

Raoul stared at him like he'd just found God.

---o----o---o----

Being in the Study Focus room makes me lose brain cells. Let's have the bell ring now, shall we?

---o----o---o----

_Ding-ding-ding-ddinnggg._

------------

Erik was running down the hallway, ignoring the loud shouting. He didn't stop running until he was outside the Tech room, ready to exit the double doors and make his way to art.

Meg walked out, having had the least painful class. She seemed just fine.

"How did yours go?" she asked normally. Erik was still heaving.

"I...just locked...this hag…in a tuba…case," he panted. Meg's eyes widened.

"You locked your teacher in a tuba case?"

"She…wouldn't fit…in the…bass clarinet…case."

The little blonde child seemed slightly scared, but shook it off. Both seemed to be waiting for Maria.

The eighteen locks undid themselves, and the metal grate opened inside the classroom. Maria pushed open the door, and her appearance had changed violently.

First of all, her golden blonde hair had turned a sickly brown, and her face looked aged. So aged that when she turned, oh, say, about 35, she would look about 50. And from this point on, Maria would always seem at least a little unhappy, gloomy, she'd be much more strict, and would have very little tolerance. And she would always wear black.

Her face was emotionless, her eyes dead. Both her, erm, friends seemed worried.

"What happened!"

Maria just slumped down the hallway, looking like the living dead. "I'll never smile…again…" she murmured, slinking down towards her next class.

Meg was supposed to go to Teen Living next, but she seemed utterly horrified. But now…

"Uh, Erik, you don't think I could possibly…"

Erik looked down at the quaking ballet girl, then sighed. Obviously everyone would be angry if he allowed Meg to be emo-afied.

"Fine. Let's go. You're going to Art next."

Meg, knowing she would forever stay peppy and cheerful, let out a shout of joy and threw her arms around Erik.

He, of course, twitched and pushed her off.

"Don't do that. Ever again."

She nodded obediently, still smiling happily. It creeped him out. He pushed the door open and walked out to the art room, completely aware that she was trailing behind him, thankful for being saved.

This was going to be the beginning of a very scary relationship.

**0o0o0o0o0**

**A/N: **Uh. I love Whose Line, Saturday Night Live, and all the other things I mentioned.

Yes, my teachers are actually like that. Teen Living will ruin your life, Mr. Lambert is (we think) gay, and Miss Dossey's a natzi.

I'm sorry Fergie!!

I guess that explained why Mme. Giry has different hair color then her daughter, and why she never seems to be truly happy.

Review. House is coming on soon, so I can't make a big message. Just REVIEW!


	9. Related Arts 2

**Disclaimer: **Um. Hi guys. I'm still on Winter Break, so I have no witty things to say. People seem unhappy that this story is coming to an end. Wonder why.

Okay. I would like to apologize. I read the freaking book sooo long ago that I actually forgot what Nadir looked like. And I also forgot his name, but then a friend told it to me.

**Supergirrl: **Someone goes to a Christian school. That doesn't sound very fun. I was in band last year and I sooo wanted to kill my teacher. We don't think she's human.

**Moriko Csove Doyle: **Ello girl with annoying name! ;3 Tell me if my mocking is offending you. I'll stop. Eeek, Furbies. Disturbing. Explosives…hmmm.

**MadamaSalieri: **Sounds like the Greeks were high.

**Gerikslover: **Whose Line! I love Wayne. He's soo good at making up songs. I think it's funny when they have a girl, because they always play the prop game. And I know! He played that lame break-up song. And I love Fergalicious! (Seriously, Fergie, we love you, but you need to hurry up and give up so Will-I-am and you can go back to the Peas).

PS: I don't care a biznit.

**The Grim Phantasm- FEAR: **It's fun. I like feeling like I'm funny. CHEERS FOR WHOSE LINE!

**PhantomoftheBasket: **I feel sorry for…almost nobody! I'm just evil.

It took me two weeks to learn how to laugh after Teen Living.

PEACE BASKET!

**Erik's Muse: **Not bashing! She's seriously a clarinet! My bestest best friend is a clarinet. I'm just stupid and went with flute.

**LostBluePhantom: **I've been hugged! Now I must disinfect! And everyone loves Whose Line. I considered doing Russian, but my writing document wouldn't type Russian.

**Pawfoot: **It's a very fun word. And thank God. I was like "If this is where it leaves off…a certain author is going to get egged."

**Guardian.Ghost: **Apparently I am funny. And I'm keeping it going!

**Evanesce: **We think he's bi. And keep finding the best lines so I know how to write. And I feel soo sorry for Mme. Giry.

**Nanotech: **Well, uh…my teacher's not human! So there. Nya.

**Halt at X: **Eventually all teachers are the same. House owns. And ppleeeaasseeee, I neeeed to ccooonnnttaacccttt you. You won the thing in FQ. Do you have an account, could you get an account, or do you at least have e-mail or AIM? If you don't, can you mention your favorite band/singer in your review?

**Chinese Werewolf: **Aww. I'm sorry. I'd kill myself if my mum was a teacher.

**SpringDaze: **Lambie will pay. Don't you doubt it.

**Evangeline Daae: **Hey! That's what I put down for "Two words that describe your feelings towards this child abduction video."! Funny. :3

**Blue's Dreamer: **Lots of cider, a bit of chocolate, and a marathon of House.

Minor side effect: Sugar-highness, being harshly sarcastic for about an hour.

**PUNX13: **M/E rawks your socks off. ;3

Time to write it! Here comes more Whose Line. But that's because Ms. Keith is addicted to that show. It's Related Arts part 2.

**0o0o0o0o0o0**

"Say again why I'm not allowed to help pound the clay?" Erik whined as Meg got to bang her fists against the clay over and over again, giggling madly.

"Because we have very special clay. You're wearing plastic cuffs, which will most likely break off. If you bake clay with plastic in it, the clay explodes." Mrs. Yelkon said, pulling her hair back into a ponytail.

"How is that bad?" he asked innocently.

The teacher shot him an odd look, but was interrupted as there was a sinister knock at the door. Mrs. Yelkon walked quickly over, wiping her hands on her smock, and opened it up.

And when she did, the Phantom's theme conveniently started playing.

Erik's jaw hit the floor.

_**It was the fop.**_

There stood Raoul, holding his sheet of paper and smiling like the idiot he is.

"Is this Art?"

The teacher was distracted, though, because of the music. She had a poster of Christine singing in Hannibal tucked away in the back of her classroom, and would never talk to her students about it, so she obviously knew the movie.

"Whose playing the music?"

It immediately ended, and Meg grinned sweetly as she hid her boom box.

"Sowwy. I thought the moment needed some good music."

Erik shot her a sort of confused look. "Um, thanks?"

Meg threw her arms around his neck again, still smiling. "You're welcome, bestest best friend!"

Raoul's grin suddenly went ear-to-ear.

"Now I totally can have Christine!" he shouted before turning around and racing down the hallway. Erik had to claw off Meg's chokehold before screaming "NO, WAIT, SHE JUST THINKS SHE'S MY FRIEND," and rushing after him, tackling him down, and pulling out the punjab.

Well, while this story borders PG-13, let's check on the others!

----o----o-----o-----

"Teena 'iving?" Carlotta mumbled, looking at her class. An Erik Clone model 3.50 was lying in an air vent behind her, next to a "mysterious unnamed other little kid". Both were pounding their fists very lightly into the bottom shaft, chanting, "Walk in, walk in, walk in."

And then she walked in. The Clone gave a cheer and high-fived his friend before vanishing into thin air. The "mysterious unnamed other little kid" climbed out of the shaft, and began wandering around.

---o-----o----o---

Christine and Andre were in Drama. Ms. Keith shut the door, blocking out the sounds of rabid fangirls attacking Justin Timberlake, and killing the choir teacher in the process.

"Alright. Today is Friday, so it's a free day. For those of you who don't know, on Friday, this class basically becomes like that television show Whose Line Is It Anyway. Now, what game shall we play first?"

There were shouts of "World's Worst!" and "Prop Game!", but the scream from Zac, who was sitting in the back, was the loudest.

"Two-Line Vocabulary!"

Ms. Keith heard this one. "Alright then. You two, new kids," she pointed at Christine and Andre, "and Zac, get up there."

The two doomed children and Zac stepped up on her platform.

"Girl, you can only say "Excuse me" and "You broke my nail!". Boy, you can only way "What?" and "When do we leave?". Get it?"

They nodded blankly.

"Alright." Ms. Keith picked up her Friday card. "You're white-rafting down a river, and you've lost your oar. Only Zac can speak normally. Go."

--o---o---o---

Mrs. Mac stared down at the stainless-steel air-hole-less crate.

"How is this thing supposed to run laps?"

Firmin was smart enough to not say anything. I guess the drugs were finally wearing off. He knew if he didn't speak, he wouldn't have to run.

"Ah well." She blew her whistle, shattering the eardrums of many students.

"Start running, maggots!"

And the box just sat there.

--o—o—o---

"Erik, take Raoul out of the Clay Can," Mrs. Yelkon sighed, barely looking over at the two students. Erik was next to the giant plastic garbage can full of clay and water, holding down the top. There was thumping inside, as if someone couldn't breathe and wanted to get out.

"My…hair….messing….up!" The words were light, and almost impossible to hear.

"But he's such a fop!" the little Phantom whined.

Little did they know that Meg was wandering over to the Kilning area.

---o---o----o---

Christine sat in the imaginary canoe, her deer-in-headlights look on her face. She wasn't listening either, because Zac said something to her.

"Excuse me?"

"I said you just dropped our only oar!" he yelled. She was even more confused. He slapped hand, showing where she "dropped" the oar. Christine looked down at her hand in horror.

"You broke my nail!"

"What?" Andre said, also not paying attention. He zoned out at "Today is Friday."

"When do we leave?"

"We're not going to leave now! We don't have an oar!" Zac thundered, obviously getting waaayyy too into the plotline.

"Excuse me?" Christine had forgotten the plotline already.

"We're rushing down a river with no oar," he explained, annoyed.

"What??" Andre gave him a confused look.

It's amazing how not paying attention could help you win a game.

---o---o---o----

Why are there no screams coming from Teen Living!?

---o----o---o----

I…actually don't know where Maria went. I sorta think I lost her. She was supposed to go to band, but no one's in there, so I think she wandered off or something.

No, wait, there she is. She's talking to "mysterious unnamed other little kid". I think they're arguing.

---o----o-----o----

_Brrrinnggg-bringggg-brrrinnnggg_

Everyone looked up as the fire alarm went off. The cause?

A huge explosion in the art room.

---o----o---o----

Everyone had to be evacuated outside. Raoul, Erik, Meg, and Mrs. Yelkon were all covered in clay. Meg's left shoe was missing.

It had caught on fire.

She hobbled over to Christine. Slowly, everyone had gone back to their groups.

Andre was sitting sourly on top of the crate, not knowing it was empty.

Raoul, Christine, Carlotta, Meg, and Erik were in a small group, though only Meg and Christine were really near each other.

Amazingly, Carlotta had not been changed. At all.

"So, 'ow waz your clazz?"

Christine, who hadn't been paying attention, looked up.

"Excuse me?"

Erik was grumbling horrible things, having his cape ruined by the clay. He looked up as Maria walked over. She was smiling, and holding the wrist of "mysterious unnamed other little kid".

"Whose he?" Erik asked, not really caring.

"This is Nadir. He's an old friend of yours."

"Mysterious unnamed other little kid", who is now Nadir Khan, smiled and extended his hand.

"Hello Erik."

"…Do I know you?"

A teacher came over. "Alright kids. Apparently no one can go back inside the building, so we're all just going to have recess. Go play."

And go play they shall.

**0o0o0o0o0o0**

**A/N: **I felt I was neglecting poor Nadir. He needs a hug.

Review? Please?


	10. Recess

**Disclaimer: **Don't own it. Writing fast. I would like to apologize, but I will no longer be able to thank each and every reviewer. I'll list them off, but otherwise, I can't.

I'd like to thank:

**Halt at X**

**Serey-Sass**

**LostBluePhantom**

**the lazy gerikslover**

**PUNX13**

**PhantomoftheBasket**

**TheSeventhDeadlySin**

**Supergirrl**

**Nanotech**

**Evanesce**

**Erik's Muse**

**Pawfoot**

**Moriko Csove Doyle**

Story time

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

So, after all the fire trucks had left, there was a single wall left of the school. Our little freaks were standing around, waiting.

"Where did the random little kid I don't know go?" Erik asked, attempting to bang his shoes against the ground to rid them of the drying clay.

"Ze left," Carlotta mumbled, studying her fingernails.

"Why? It took so long for me to find him!" Maria groaned, slamming her stick into the ground. She was unhappy.

"Well, he wasn't a remake character. The people here cannot be people from a movie and/or television program that was not the newest remake, because this is a "movie-remake story"."

Everyone turned to stare at Firmin with wide, gaping jaws. He was…smart?

"For instance, if you wanted to use Damien, you would not be permitted to use the 1976 boy, but instead the remake _The Omen: 666_ Damien." He said this all simply, as if he was describing the weather.

Andre, Meg, Erik, Christine, Maria, and Raoul stared at him. Carlotta wasn't, because for some reason now she couldn't hear them.

"What drugs did you _slip _him?" Andre demanded, concerned that his "just friend" suddenly had an IQ that was over 100 points. Erik couldn't do anything. He didn't know that he'd become smart. Everyone was staring at Erik now.

"How did you get so-" Meg was cut off as she turned back to Firmin to see he was gone. In his place was a little boy with dark hair, darker eyes, and a non-smiling face.

Out of nowhere, there was a woman standing on that last wall of the school. She had what looked like a very long version of the punjab (to the children, at least) around her neck.

"It's all for you, Damien!"

Of the seven children still remaining, two slapped their foreheads (Andre, Maria), three shrieked and turned away (Christine, Meg, Raoul), one didn't look up from her fingernails (Carlotta), and one (Erik) sat beside the other little boy, cheering and eating popcorn as the woman jumped from the wall.

But, like I said before, I must keep this under PG-13. So, we're going to reverse time, because I don't think I'm allowed to have that random woman jump off the building.

"Damien, you for all it's!"

Neck her around (least at, children the to) punjab the of version long very a like looked what had she. School the of wall last that on standing woman a was there, nowhere of out.

Eventually people realized it was going to be very confusing to read everything backwards, so they just scrolled down until it ended….

….

….

….

….

….

Nope, not yet.

…..

Or yet.

….

Getting closer.

….

…Our little freaks were standing around, waiting.

"Didn't that teacher tell us to go play or something?" Erik asked boredly, not really to anyone in particular. But someone still answered.

"Well, like, duh. Are you doing, like, deaf?" Raoul scoffed, gaining odd looks from everyone.

"He's gone valley fop," Meg whispered to Maria, who nodded.

"Hey, look, it's a playground!" Andre called happily, pointing towards something a couple yards away. The little ones all looked over at it to see…

…The Opera Popularie.

"What? I said it was his playground," Maria said, trying to act innocent. Everyone else groaned, now victims of a horrible pun.

But then the O.P. vanished, and a blacktop with a handful of neon red balls lined up on a white line going through the center of the blacktop. Maria instantly ran over to one and picked it up, tossing it into the air with one hand then catching it again, causing a thumping noise.

"We're gonna play dodgeball." _Thump._

Everyone paled considerably, except for Christine (clueless), Firmin (who was somehow sedated again. Hmmm), and Carlotta, who was still looking at her fingernails like she couldn't hear them. Erik noticed this, and was annoyed. He whacked her on the back, and she looked up, clearly agitated. She pulled out earplugs, and snapped at him.

"Vut waz zat for?!"

"Why do you have earplugs in?" Erik responded.

"Becauze you all zoundz like dying toods getting hit by a zcreeching tire!" Carlotta growled, then put her earplugs back in.

Talk about irony.

"Didn't they make a movie out of a dodgeball game?" Andre asked Raoul quietly, watching Maria with fear. _Thump._

"Yes." _Thump._

"Was there a girl in it that was dangerously good?" _Thump. _

"Yes." _Thump._

"We're screwed, aren't we?" _Thump._

"Yes."

Then Maria started her massacre of red rubbery thunder. Screams erupted from the blacktop. In a matter of moments, Carlotta and Firmin had been knocked out by the attack. Meg had joined sides with Maria, and they were dominating. They decided to spare Christine, because she was too ditzy to do any harm. The males, being Andre, Raoul, and Erik, fought back dangerously.

In precisely twenty-three minutes, twenty-three seconds, and twenty-three milliseconds, it was down to two people: Meg and Erik. Meg had the advantage, because she had the only ball left (many burst), and Erik had tripped over a chinchilla wearing a collar.

Meg loomed over the doomed child, bordering crossing the forbidden white line. Erik looked up at her bravely.

"You wouldn't hit me with that," he baited.

"Why not?"

"Because…I am your father!"

Meg's eyebrows raised, and she gave him a disbelieving look. "That would only work if I was sixteen, and you were thirty-five."

Then she bonked him on the head with the dodgeball, and he fell backwards off his knees dramatically, his tongue falling out of the side of his mouth.

At that moment, a whistle sounded out. All eight children were magically cured of whatever happened to them, and all filed back inside. They knew that the school day was over, and the only thing standing between them and freedom was…_the buses._

**0o0o0o0o0o0**

**A/N: **One chapter left. Please review. It will make me happy.

Oh, P.S., I'm discreetly advertising the horror movie which is coming out soon; _The Number 23._ But you didn't know that.


	11. Buses

**Disclaimer: **Sadly, I don't own it. It would be nice to, but I don't.

Well snap, this is the last chapter! So, I'm going to say something almost sweet.

Thank you ever single person who read, reviewed, or even glanced at this story. I had a lot of fun writing it (after I stopped loathing it), and now it's over. Thank you:

**SOPROL, **K**itsune no tsuki**, **Supergirrl**, **SpringDaze**, M**oonservant**, **Pawfoot**, S**ing for me**, **Evanesce**, **Moriko Csove Doyle**, **PhantomoftheBasket, PUNX13, gerikslover, PhantomOfThePunjab, Halt at X, Erik's Muse, USDA-Certified Organic, TheSeventhDeadlySin, LostBluePhantom, Anastasia Jones, Blue's Dreamer, Evangeline Daae, hyperwerewolf, Guardian.Ghost, The Grim Phantasm- FEAR, MadamaSalieri, Insane, MeGoobie, The Little Mademoiselle, The Magic Pickle Fairy, Luckii.Jinx, FemmeLoki, Scotskitten, Korrigan Moon, Harry's Girl 01031992, x-forbiddenrose-x, Vengeance, Phantom's Melody, Kathryn Glover, thechosenMay, Icelands, Deirdre of the Sorrows, Whisper of the Winds, staremerald, **and** Erin McCrate.**

These are all the people who reviewed. Time for the final chapter.

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The gang of children: Firmin, Andre, Erik, Christine, Raoul, Meg, Maria, and Carlotta, were all trying to find the exit of the Evil Place. They were following a map.

Even though the "map" was six letters: R-R-L-R-L-L.

But because the little group started in the wrong place, they ended up back down the hallway with Teen Living. They watched as the entire cast of High School Musical slowly walked out the door, smiling brightly and looking directly ahead with dead eyes. They then marched away like the robots they are.

"I always knew something was wrong with them," Christine whispered to Meg, who nodded as Corbin Bleu waved at the group before his head turned 90 degrees and stayed there.

"We're ztill lozt!!" Carlotta whined. The other seven shrugged.

"How are we getting out of here?" Andre asked.

"Well, it's very simple," Erik explained. "We hitch a ride on one of these creatures," he paused again to wave his hand towards the crowd of fifth graders leaving the school, "tame them, and get them to get us out of here."

It sure sounded simple enough. But the children didn't know how to tame these wild beasts, so they used their brand of logic. All eight of them got nickels and attempted to distract the older students with the shiny objects. It worked, mostly. (Firmin tried to eat his nickel, so Andre had to distract his fifth grader for him).

They all now rode the other children like horses. Erik was having some trouble, because his fifth grader looked a little familiar (Bruce) and was trying to buck him off.

But eventually they arrived at the buses. There were a lot of them, lined up outside the school. Maria frowned.

"How do we know which one to get on?" she asked, tapping her stick against the ground. The others just shrugged. Raoul walked up to the bus administrator.

"What bus should we get on?"

The administrator looked from him and his long hair, to the other seven children. She immediately pointed to the shortest bus. Raoul was about to go get on it when he was smacked with a stick and dragged towards an empty bus stop.

"What was that for?" he groaned, rubbing his head.

"Our bus is coming." Maria pointed a stick towards in incoming bus that, instead of a number, was labeled Little Freaks.

To keep himself busy while the bus came, Erik was attempting to stand up on a disco-ball-colored soccer ball. He'd put one foot on it and try to step up.

"What are you doing?" Christine asked quietly, titling her head to the left.

"I'm bringing sexy back," Erik responded like this was the most obvious thing in the world.

Christine just kept tilting her head to the side until she fell over.

The real chaos, however, broke out when the bus finally pulled in. The eight of them piled on. The problem was that Christine was in front, so she sat down first. Raoul and Erik got into a very violent pillow fight (substituting pillows for the leather bus seats, which they tore off themselves) over who got to sit next to her.

Marie and Meg got into a slightly less fight (rock, paper, scissors) over who got the window seat, but kept trying to use the same thing. So the sounds of the game filled the bus.

Andre and Firmin simply sat down and waited.

Carlotta was walking down to the very last seat when she noticed a very pudgy boy sitting there. She cocked an eyebrow.

"Hi," Mr. Pudgy said over the loud noise of the two Girys ("ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS, SHOOT! AW DARN! ROCK, PAPER…"). "I'm Piangi. Wanna sit with me?"

Carlotta had nothing better to do, so she sat with him.

The bus started rolling away. Raoul had actually managed to shove Erik halfway out the opposite window, so he was sitting next to Christine.

Meg got the window seat, and Maria had her arms crossed and was pouting.

Firmin and Andre just sat there.

Carlotta and Piangi were chatting almost merrily.

It continued like this until the now nine children were ushered off the bus in front of the opera house. Random Woman, who was probably Maria's mother, brought them all in for milk and cookies.

"So kids, how was your first day?"

All of them looked at each other, exchanging glances and using their eyes to try and force one of them to talk. Eventually it was Erik. Taking a cookie, he took a bite, chewed slowly, and gave the only real summary there was.

"…Interesting."

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**A/N: **And it's finished. That was fun! I hope you all enjoyed reading. Oh yeah, an explanation.

R-R-L-R-L-L: Right, right, left, right, left, left. And the whole disco ball thing was for Justin Timberlake. On the front of his album, Future Sex/Love Sounds, it shows him trying to step onto a disco ball. And he started the whole 'bringing sexy back' thing. Oh, and I wasn't making fun of the short bus. I promise.

Leave a review, because it's over!


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